The Gray Place

Tit wank is a stupid phrase.

Posted in General Me by mrfenris on April 16, 2010

I read horrible news stories.  It’s kind of my thing.  They’re the stories that some people will scan the headlines of and say “I can’t read that” or “I don’t want to know about that”.  Those are the ones I have to read.  Human beings try to carve out their little realities and stay safe within them.  They don’t want to know about the guy down the street who does horrible things.  They don’t want to think about the millions of children in our country (and world) who are abused daily.  They don’t want to think about the ugly side of life.  I understand that.  I don’t seek it out myself, but I acknowledge it and don’t hide from it when I come across it.

I think in order to truly treasure and value your place in the world you have to experience the uglier aspects of our lives.  I’m sitting here today thinking of dinner last night.  We went out to eat, shared a dessert, and had a great time.  I couldn’t look back on that happiness and give it any value if I wasn’t aware of the issues and “evil” (I use that word VERY loosely) in the world.  If I sealed myself off in an opaque bubble filled with my wants/job/family/status everything inside that bubble loses value and becomes a muted gray.  You lose perspective, context, and just have a shallow life with nothing to measure it against.

We could make the tired leap and say “You can’t have the good without the bad”, but that’s inherently understood I think.  It becomes an excuse all in and of itself.  It’s almost a version of the “No” trap in Zen philosophy.  Instead of understanding and feeling something you reflexively react with preconditioned thought.

I understand (some days I fail too) that I am a small part in this chaotic/perfect world. I have to see and sometimes touch the parts of it that disgust me and hurt in order to understand the depths of the wonderful parts.

The real trick is understanding that and “being” instead of “doing”.  That’s where the trap lies, between the two, in the gray place.

Melodrama is my lifeblood.  I blame my Hispanic genes.  We love that shit.

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