The Gray Place

Old me. You sucked.

Posted in General Me, WoW by mrfenris on April 22, 2010

I realize some of these posts are typical “farewell posts” that people leave when they are quitting something.  That’s probably apropos in a way.  I don’t quite know what I’m doing with this blog, but that doesn’t bother/surprise me.  Structure and focus are just half of the world.  I think they’re too restrictive at times for what I’m doing here. (Secret:  That doesn’t mean I have a plan.)

I was scared to FUCKING death the very first raid I went on.  I was a young pally with like 12k health (I really don’t remember) who first stepped into the wide world of raiding with his scrubby guildies.  (Your all still scrubby FYI.  Get out of the fucking fire before I slit my wrists)

So here I am standing in Karazhan (best raid evah!) in front of the stables that are filled with ghostly workers and ghostly horses.  My Druid tank buddy is telling me that these horses will fear, they’ll hit me for like 5k (I don’t really remember), they randomly charge people, and leave their socks in the bathroom.  All sorts of nasty shit.

So I’m sitting here, a newbie tank who just started playing a few months before, knowing that if I fuck up I wipe my raid and everyone is going to laugh at me and tell me I’m a sucky player, if I take too much damage I must suck (people still wanted Pallys to be AOE/Add tanks back then and that was it), deep down knowing I was out of my league, and I’m never gonna be ready for “THE RAIDING”.

And then I pulled them.  We killed them and pulled the next group.  Then the next, next, etc.  Each pull was precise and measured.  Hunter trap the square, shackle this, don’t break CC!  Each pull I felt a little better.  I wasn’t being one shot, I was holding aggro, I was losing a tiny bit of anxiety each and every pull.

I used to be a COMPLETELY insecure tank.  I used to undervalue my abilities, I used to punish myself for little mistakes, I used to pour over articles and theory to fill up the holes left by low self-esteem.

Every single pull I’ve made over the years has killed a little bit more of that lingering doubt in myself.  Two years later it’s just another day at the office for me.  If I could go back and talk to that scrubby nervous pally I’d give him one piece of advice.

“Stop acting like a pussy.”

In fact that is a piece of advice I’d give to any player whose nervous about jumping into raiding for the first time.  Do not psyche yourself out.  Enjoy every single second of you playing a kick ass video game with nine other people.  This isn’t a five man “dick the dog” run.  You are raiding, hitting content that lots of people don’t get to see.  This is the magic of the game, the huge freaking bosses, the crazy encounter mechanics, the beautifully designed artwork and sounds.  It’s the real deal.  Open your eyes and take it all in.  There’s nothing like it.

I don’t give a shit if your in blues and it’s your first character.   I appreciate the fact your nervous and don’t want to let your guildmates down but stop and smell the flowers along the way.  Congratulations you made it.  You are a “Raider”.

Now get out of the goddamn fire.


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