The Gray Place

…just like me…

Posted in Gaming, General Me, WoW by mrfenris on May 31, 2010

I’ve been off work since Friday at 8:40 AM.  Four days off in a row is unheard of for me.  Hell two days off without doing any work is unheard of for me.  In four days time this is what I’ve found out…

My son remembers to take his medication more often than I remember to give it to him.

Iron Man 2 reminds me that my tail-bone still hurts from when I fell down the steps months ago and broke it and I’ve never wanted to be a pair of tight black S.H.I.E.L.D pants more in my life.

The Champions Online free demo sucks.  You can download the starting zone and be bored to tears.  Over and over and over.  Graphics “fit” it, but unless you turn it up to eleven and turn on the black outline it looks soul-less.  Somehow I feel like Cryptic is showing new potential players the worst part of the game.  Reminds me why I hate the Super Hero “tights and capes” genre.  Black Widow’s pantaloons aside.

I’m still calling it now.  Star Wars the Old Republic combat is going to be Champions Online combat.

The character creator is hands down AWESOME.  It reminded me of Spore.  The best part of both games are probably the character creator.  Although the first part of Spore when you’re a little micro-organism was a lot of fun.  It felt frantic and simulated “eat or be eaten” very well in my opinion.

My wife still thinks I’m crazy when I grill outside in the pouring rain.  I can’t help it.  I lovingly rubbed these ribs down myself like they were a fine, thick, woman.  These babies are too good for gas, they need to be slow cooked over charcoal.

Disc priesting in Outlands has been a total blast.  I used to think it was boring when I tried Disc out the first time.  Bubble, stare at the wall, bubble, go get a drink.  Now if I’ve got a good group and I’m bored I stop using bubble altogether and just roll my Renews, Flash Heals, and Penance if needed.  Binding Heal is awesome for when things go south.  I hate to say it I almost like it when things go bad.  Gives me something to do.  People have asked me why I’ve Glyphed Holy Nova for the 20% increase to it, but man it’s awesome.  I haven’t used Prayer of Healing since I left Holy.  Seems like people overlook Holy Nova for non-raid level healing.

98% of the information about World of Warcraft is meant for endgame characters only.  I’d say that was problematic but the game is stupid easy.  You can hit 80 and have no idea how to play.

I’ve slept more these past four days then I have in the past 2 weeks.

Single parent weekends are a little harder when one of your children is grounded from video games.  I wish he was ungrounded because he’s been dying to get Super Mario Galaxies 2.  But I can’t go back and give him parole.  He can smell weakness a mile away and resents it.

I’ve become my father a bit more these past couple years.  Now instead of enjoying holidays off, I lament that it’s a day I’m not getting any work done and it’s setting me back just that much further.

“You know we’ll have a good time then.”


Stand there. Tank that.

Posted in Gaming, General Me, WoW by mrfenris on May 27, 2010

Boss tanking is boring and most days it takes basically zero skill.

Oh sure you get the one tank with the little dick that says “I’m the boss tank!” because he’s played since vanilla, he’s a Warrior with a chip on his shoulder, or he’s got .3% more dodge then you.  But by and large it takes very little talent to boss tank.

I played my tank nearly the entire two years I’ve played WoW.  Largely, I stand in one spot, use my cooldowns, maybe taunt off the other tank if I have to (like nearly every single ICC encounter).  On some encounters I tank the adds which basically consists of a little movement to grab em, then I stand still and tank them.  It’s not even that hard to hold threat on them these days.

There are very few encounters like Yogg Saron (Phase One is my favorite raid encounter ANYWHERE in the game, with the Abom driver in Professor Putrecide’s lab being second) in which you tank a mob AND move.  In phase one, you tank the mobs, dodge swirling gas clouds, and make sure the mob dies while standing next to the boss.

However those types of raid encounters are rare.  Most of the time you stand there and trust your healers to keep you up and your DPS to knuckle-drag their buttons (or worse…click) thru their rotations and beat the 10 minute enrage timer blah blah blah.  I swear I could sub my six-year-old in and tell him which buttons to push, in what order, and he could raid tank half the stuff in the game.

“Yeah just push those.  If someone stands in the fire you just press this key and say into the mic, “My Dad says get your dumb ass out of the fire.””

*Dad wanders off to make a sandwich*

This isn’t a anti-wow bit.  But I’m sitting here reflecting on how much fun it’s been to play my Hunter the past three weeks.  Oh sure I understand it’s all new to me, and I’m enjoying my “freedom”.  It’s like I was some captive, abused, and oppressed housewife from a movie who suddenly runs away from home, drives around a red convertible, and goes bareback with the swarthy Hector who lives in her apartment building and makes her “feel like a woman”.

It’s 10x more fun then standing in one spot while staring at a giant ass raid boss whose smooshing my face.  Seriously.  When I was tanking I never even got to see any artwork in the actual instances.  I’d always have this huge boss’s ankles in my face or if I was lucky his crotch.  Um.  Point being it wasn’t till I got to play my Hunter that I could see the actual decorations and notice little things, because I wasn’t watch 9 other players, I wasn’t watching my incoming heals, or I wasn’t watching my cool downs.

On my Hunter I get to run around the room, timing my shot timer, rocket booting, disengaging and doing all sorts of shit that I never got to do before.  Heck most of the raid encounters don’t even give tanks any fun debuffs they have to drop off or meet up with someone like the Blood Queen does.  You get turned into a freaking Vampire that encounter, how cool is that?  But not the tank.  He’s in the kitchen making a sandwich, while his kid is playing his character cus nothing cool ever happens to him.

Kid: “Dad…the rogue wants to hearth to Dal to get some gems for the dagger that just dropped…”
Dad: “Tell him to go fuck himself.  If it was important to him he should have brought the gems.”

Nope.  Don’t miss it at all.

In sickness and/or health?

Posted in General Me by mrfenris on May 26, 2010

I’ve been dealing with a sick pregnant woman since Saturday night.  I’m about ready to lock her in a closet until she’s better or the baby is ready to be born.  Seriously.

Sympathy?  No.  She’s evil.  Its karma.

Take your usual pregnancy neediness, emotions and add in a dash of the flu and it’s like some sort of a sneezy raid boss.

Dad: “Damnnit click the box of Kleenex and hand them to your mother!”
Kids:  *standing in the fire* “We’ll kite her slimes.”
Dad: “No time.  Here comes her AOE blast.  Run!”
Kids: *Don’t move in time and catch the blast*
Dad: “Damnnit.  Wipe it.  literally.”

Raid last night.  Went well.  Our new raid leader is doing a good job and getting more comfortable in the role.  She got promoted to Officer last night.

Friday should be interesting.  We’ve got some lower DPS characters signed up and I’m healing on my Paladin.  I need to get some enchants yet.  I have no idea if we’re doing Frostwing first or Crimson Halls.  Maybe we’ll do Putrecide since we just poked him once before we called it due to people leaving.

I never ask people questions via this titty.  But here’s one I’ve been asking myself.

Is Dollhouse a chic show?  I think it is.  My wife has been teasing me about me watching it.  Just the intro music alone (which is horrible) makes me wonder.  I only watch it cus I’m out of stuff to watch and it’s free via Netflix online.  (streamed instantly to my son’s Wii FTW!)

NOW.

If it is a “chic” show, I’m okay with that.  I mean you’re talking to the guy who openly admits to watching the soap opera Days of Our Lives.  I catch it at least twice a week.

I don’t even like Dollhouse all that much.  I’m not even a Joss Whedon fan.  Yeah I said it fanboys and fanchics.  Your all hype, fake-ass, wankstas.  I have no idea why I’m even watching it.

But I find myself half expecting it to be moved to Opera’s channel, We, or Lifetime sometime soon.  Which means that it was a chic show.

I gotta say the Doctor with all the scars on her face is beautiful.  But then again, I’ve got a thing for women with scars and stretch marks.  I’ve always wanted to do a collection of black and white photographs of women’s scars and stretch marks.  It’s the contrast that makes it sexually appealing to me.

Imperfection –  Perfection
Injury – Health
Chaos – Order
Weakness – Strength

Watch.  Next thing you know I’ll start watching Army Wives or some such shit.

Kansas

Posted in General Me, WoW by mrfenris on May 25, 2010

Driving around this morning I saw a mentally handicapped woman staring at another person in the vehicle next to hers.  He tried waving and smiled at her but she just stared intently.  I can’t tell if her gaze was “lost” or maybe she was seeing something profound to her.

Probably both.

I have no idea what’s going to happen to my guild, before Cataclysm.  We’ve got a bunch of people “taking a break” including a GM.  We’ve got a player who used to carry a lot of water (that’s me) scale waaaay back and resign from various guild duties.   We’ve got probably our best player who transferred servers looking for a little “more”.  We don’t seem to have much of an edge right now.

But I’m not complaining.

Before work this morning I took my kids to their grandmother’s like I always do on days the lovely, chubby, wife and I both work.  My daughter took along some Barbie Princess computer thingy we got her for her birthday.  It’s pretty basic;  Numbers, letters, and word type games.  My son remarked that he wished they made a Spiderman one so he could have one.

Now my son is twice her age and I’m not bragging, but the kid is too damn smart for his own good.  He’s the type that sits working on a problem until he figures it out.  He loves puzzles and mazes and anything electronic.

I don’t chide my kids every time they speak, since sometimes they just want to squawk about stuff and don’t mean anything by it.  But I wanted to try to point something out to him.

I told him that he shouldn’t think about what he doesn’t have all the time.  He should think about what he DOES have.  Now I know that sounds like some drippy, estrogen fueled, vaggie, Oprah “wisdom”, but people always looks at what is “not” instead of what “is”.

I pointed out nicely that he was too old for something like that since he’s already learned all that.  I reminded him that he’s got a Wii, a DS, plays on my laptop, plays on my desktop (he pushes the buttons in Dragon Age: Origins, Shield Slam FTW!), and uses his grandma’s Ipod Touch.  These are all things that his sister doesn’t do yet.

I tried to get him to see that when he looks at the things he actually does have, they outnumber the things he doesn’t have.

Of course he just mumbled “yeah” and looked out the window, most likely thinking “but I still wish I had a Spider-Man one”.

I can’t tell if my guild is getting ready to fade away into nothing, but if it is, I hope the members stop for a minute and think about the things they do have.

They have a solid core group of people on every night.
They have a solid core raid team.
They have members who are stepping up and assuming responsibilities.
They have good people in the guild.
They have excellent resources in terms of data and organization via our website.
They have (by and large) zero drama.
They have a good solid reputation of being good players and good people under our guild tag.
They got carried farther in our guild then they would in 80% of other guilds.  (some REALLY got carried)
They have a history.

Now I myself don’t know where I’m going to end up in the future.  But I do know if I go somewhere else, I’ll remember my guild fondly for the things it DID have instead of what it didn’t.

Blowin’ Bubbles

Posted in Uncategorized by mrfenris on May 24, 2010

*dramatic movie trailer guy voice*

“Coming to WOW TV this fall…”

*Camera moves rapidly down the hallways of Hellfire Citadal*

“You’ve seen him heal as a Shadow Priest in Rage Fire Chasm…”

*Fel Orcs start running down the halls away from the camera screaming and waving weapons*

“He’s braved the horror that is Maraudon…”

*Camera swings around a corner and zooms towards a small distant figure standing at the end of the hall.*

“He’s broken through the Dark Portal at level 58…”

*Camera zooms to a Blood Elf priest wearing scrubs and a surgical mask, standing in front of operating room doors.  Bored, he watches the Fel Orcs come screaming and running at him*

“But is he ready for his greatest challenge?”

*screen goes black*

“Healing Deathtards.”

*Shot of 4 Death Knights in their starter armor, drooling and smashing their weapons on the walls and ground like chimpanzees*

*Slo-motion close up shot from above.  The Belf priest looks up and yells*

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

“Tune in this season on…DOCTOR HOLY MD!”

*DOCTOR HOLY MD, logo shot*

Not much WoWing this past week.  Sat out for Tuesday’s raid so someone else could go.  Friday I couldn’t make it since I was helping my wife make cakes at 11pm when she got home for work.  Said cakes were for my daughters third birthday party the following day.  I logged on a little Saturday night and ran a friend through all three new ICC 5-mans.  Man I’m rusty at tanking.  I was just kinda looking at my screen going “Uh dur….this button isn’t on cooldown I’ll press it.”

I sucked.  We’ll I was better than your average pug tank, but I sucked for my standards.  Sunday night I played my priest a little.  That in and of itself was an experience.

So I’m a level 61 Holy priest.  I’m fairly competent at it.  The only times, I get “behind” on healing is when a party decides to try to kill itself, and I have to dig down deep into my pocket and pull out my Prayer of Healing.  Otherwise Flash heal, Circle of Healing and Imp. Renew are more than adequate at keeping up my babies.

Then I hit Outlands and encountered the strange and unusual beast known as the Death Knight.  It was as if I was a momma bird who settled down into her nest to feed her four little precious chicks and turned around to discover one of them was this huge fat Cowbird who was screaming and kicking at the other chicks in the head.  Almost as if it was trying to kill them.

Now let me be the first to say I do not cast dispersion on every single Death Knight out there.  I have my own level 78 duel wield Frost DK tank.  I do not think they are inferior tanks (trust me I play a Pally, so I have heard all the Warrior bullshit).  However due to them instantly being level 50-something and the fact that everyone and their mother wants to make one, means that at my level bracket my looking for group queues are full of them.  And every one of them thinks they are the tank.

DK’s randomly going in and out of Frost Presence, DKs with untrained abilities (my rankwatch was going off nonstop), multiple DPS DK’s Death Griping mobs off each other, pulling multiple packs of mobs, DK tanks not getting any threat on the casters who just stand there and hurl spells at me.  Dude you’re the anti-caster tank!

There must be something in the Outlands air that makes players stupid.  I think somewhere Illidan has this big plant thats pumping out Stupid Gas all over Outlands.  Not only were they not prepared…they were stupid!

Le sigh.

It was so bad I left a group mid run and went and specced Disc.  I didn’t have any problem keeping anyone up as Holy, but I found myself out of mana nearly every single bad pull.  Then I’d try to get a drink, but a bell would ring and the next round of Tard Fight would start.

So I re-spec and re-glyph to Discipline.  WOW.  What a world of difference.  Now I can slap a bubble on my special needs babies and do multiple bad pulls without drinking.   Between Power word: Shield, Penance, and Holy Nova I am like the world’s greatest Special Ed Teacher.

I’ve really tried to stay away from Disc.  Nothing wrong with it, but I really enjoyed Holy and was working towards being a raid healer since it seemed like a challenge.  (My Paladin is SOOOO boring to heal on.)  I like having to heal every few seconds when I’m Holy.  But to save my own sanity I’ve had to go Disc just to survive.

Maybe I’ll try Holy again in Northrend.  Until then, I gotz bubblez yo.

Texting

Posted in General Me by mrfenris on May 20, 2010

Men of the world, heed me!

If your wife is pregnant and trying to wear an old pair of her jogging pants because she doesn’t want to admit she needs to be wearing her preggo clothes yet…

Do not, I repeat NOT, tell her she looks like the singer Meatloaf stuffed into some spandex.

You will surely vex her, such as I have vexed mine wife.

I gave up my spot in last nights raid so someone else could go.  I’ve done Lower Spire a million times and had a headache hit me all of a sudden.  Between the shitty day at work, the single parent night at home, and a grouchy ass wife who just got home from a 13 hour shift at the hospital, I was in bed by 9:40PM.  That’s a new record for me.

And she just texted me trying to be nice.  The nerve.

Wife: “Are we okay today?”
mrfenris: “If okay means I’m screwing three Brazilian swimsuit models.  Then yes.”
Wife: “Thank you.  My mind is at ease now.  I don’t think I could have handled German bikini models.”

The text message is the greatest invention since caller ID.  I HATE talking on the phone, which amuses some of my friends, since I enjoy talking a lot.  My lovely chubby wife also hates talking on the phone, so texting is the perfect form of communication.

I equate it to a grunt.

*Wife gestures towards the TV screen* “eh?”
*Husband shrugs his shoulder* “Meh.”
*Wife settles back to watch it* “Humph.”

Married couple can communicate entire conversations with a mere shrug of the shoulder and a grunt.  I love texting, since we can communicate the same way.

Wife: “Coming home for lunch?”
mrfenris: “You making me anything?”
Wife: “Yeah right.”
mrfenris: “Then no.”

No extra words needed.  No false “Hi.  How are you?  Blah blah.” Because I mean you really don’t care or you already know.  I just want an exchange of information.  I don’t want false niceties.

The world would be a much better place if people just shut the fuck up sometimes.

Interview with the Lich King

Posted in General Me by mrfenris on May 18, 2010

Ladies and gentleman, direct from Ice Crown Citadel via satellite we bring you the one the only Lich King!

*crowd applauds*

mrfenris: “Mr. King thank you very much for joining us tonight.”

Lich King: “The pleasure and your soul are both mine!”

mrfenris: “Right right.  Mr. King you’ve been having a busy busy year being the sole focus of an entire expansion named after you.  Tell us a little about it.”

Lich King:  *clenches his fist and leans into the camera* “All of Azeroth has felt The Wrath of the Lich King.  Nations have trembled, bloodlines have fallen, people have stood in the fire, and my blade Frostmourne has drunk deep from the souls of my victims!”

mrfenris: “Boy they sure have.  You’ve had a very successful year I’d say.  Your home has top rate security, especially that Undead Frost Wyrm Sindragosa.  Man she can kill newbs in a second *looks at his guildies in the crowd* In fact I’d say there are more people in the game that shelled out $25 bucks for that shiny pony then that have seen you in ICC.  Does that bother you that more people are interested in shiny ponies then you?

Lich King: “I shall crush their ponies and mount their bleating bodies atop my spire.”

*Kel’thuzad, the Lich Kings’s business agent, leans into the camera’s view and speaks up in his Snoop Dog voice*

Kel’thuzad: “Foo shizzle kizzle dem pizzles.”  *leans back out of view*

mrfenris: “Right Right.  Some of your critics say you’ve been over-exposed in this expansion from the very start, what do you have to say them?

Lich King: “I have plagued and harried them every step along the way!  My minions have attacked them from Naxxramus, bested them at Trial of the Champions, and crushed them at Ice Crown Citadel!”

mrfenris: Wait wait wait.  That’s not completely honest.  Let’s look at Naxxramus.”

*Kel’thuzad pops back into view*

Kel’thuzad: “It was merely a setback my nizzle.”

*pops out*

mrfenris: “Um yeah your floating castle filled with Undead was actually a pretty big waste of time.  I mean, hell you even had a teleporter installed to get the players into it.  You added a few more hit points to the guys in there, but basically it was just recycled content.  I mean you didn’t really get much accomplished with your floating castle o’ doom did you?”

Lich King: “You lie!  The dance floor Heigan had installed claimed the lives of countless newbs!  Night after night the dance of death continued!  Let us not forget Instructor Razuvious and the pain in which he brings.  The sheer glitchiness of that encounter has ruined many a raid night!”

mrfenris: “True, but hell I think even you can’t argue that you would have been more effective just smashing Naxx into Dalaran.  Hell just drop it onto Stormwind and you’ve pretty much won right?  Ever see Armageddon?  Alright, lets talk about Ulduar a bit…”

Lich King: “I wasn’t in Ulduar!”

mrfenris:Right right and yet many players consider it one of the best raids in your expansion.”

Lich King:  *quietly* “Yogg Saron had his tentacles in everything.”

mrfenris: “What do you mean?  Like a creepy old uncle who sneeks into your room at night?”

*Kal’thuzad leans over and whispers into the Lich King’s ear*

Lich King: “My agent has advised me not to comment.”

mrfenris:  *ahem* “Moving along then, lets talk about Trial of the Champion.”

Lich King: “Foolish mortals!  They dare gather their finest champions together to see who deserved to battle me!  I showed them the error of their ways by unleashing my fury upon them.”

mrfenris:Not really.  I mean I don’t understand.  Both the Alliance and Horde gather their leaders and their greatest warriors in one single spot and when you show up you don’t even pick up a rock and throw it at Thrall.  One rock and you could have ended the war.  I mean seriously who gathers their leaders all under one roof and then waits for the bad guy to show up?”

Lich King: “Hurm.  I never thought about that.”

mrfenris: “I mean really, you could have just dropped Naxx on them, I hear you weren’t using it anymore.”

Lich King: *leans off camera to Kal’thuzad* “Make a note.  Drop Naxx on the bitch Jaina.”

mrfenris: “Alright that brings us to your former home Ice Crown Citadel.  A fantastic place filled with challenging encounters that have claimed the lives of your enemies.”

Lich King: “You cannot besmirch my home with your snark!  I have seen your body broken countless times!”

mrfenris: “True true.  But I’m more curious about the guilds that have killed you.  Then of course there was that data mined cut scene showing you dying, and that whole weird left field “There must always be a Lich King!” moment.”

Lich King: “I am the one true Lich King!”

mrfenris: “Right, to scrub guilds like mine you still are.  But isn’t it kinda of weird how we were told that if you weren’t around your Scourge was more dangerous than if you were around?  I mean I take that too mean your kinda inept and were better off keeping you in power, kinda like Saddam in the 90’s.  Does that mean were going to raid you again in ten years?”

Lich King: “Mayhaps fool!  However I shall be the bane of overgeared, level 85’s, with their shiny ponies for years to come!  For I am The Lich King!

mrfenris: “No doubt about that.  Ladies and gentleman that’s all the time we have today, as always we appreciate you joining us.  Please stay tuned for your local news.”

Blog out. Titty in.

Posted in Gaming, General Me, WoW by mrfenris on May 16, 2010

I don’t think of things so much as they try and jump out of my head.  I don’t ever pretend to be profound or intelligent, but imagine if you will (Dusty Rhodes FTW) instead of a brain I have a lake in my skull.  Inside that lake swim those Chinese carp that jump out of the water and hit people IN THE FHACE!.    Yeah those are my thoughts and their jumping up and into against my forehead.  Somedays the skull keeps them in.  Somedays they wriggle out.

Point being it’s random and smelling vaguely of fish.  I’ve had many late nights like that now that I think about it.  It is what it is.

Paladin battle ground healing sucks cock.  There is nothing fun about being the guy that has to stand still and heal 40 other idiots who insist on fighting in the middle.  I lamented this to my favorite male Brazilian the other day.

Brazilian guildie: “I love healing BGs on my tree.  I can run around tying up five of their people and not die.”

mrfenris: “Yeah well I’m a paladin.  I have to STAND STILL TO CAST!  You and your OPness can get a room.”

Speaking of Brazil.  I imagine nothing but hot ass women and my afore-mentioned favorite Brazilian Healer.  Prove me wrong.  I heal enough stupid in raids and heroics.  I don’t need to heal more in BGs, thank-you-veery-much.

I have not tanked anything in like two weeks.  I do not miss it.

I have not raid led anything in like two weeks.  I do kind of miss it.  Maybe I’m just a control freak.  Maybe I’m just a bossy prick.  (My wife says yes.)  However.  I do not EVER want the job back.  Takes too much time up.  Now I can be slacktard DPS #6 and no-show on Tuesday if the planets align and my lovely chubby wife decides to give me some.

Yeah I’ll be there for Tuesdays raid.

The lovely voluptuous Larissa of the Pink Pig Tail Inn once asked me why I was blogging.  My dear I still don’t know.  However I think the root of it is more in the need to write, then the need to be read.  I still don’t make an effort to drive reader count.  I don’t pander, I don’t do reach around links, I don’t do bullshit posts asking for reader responses.

My coffee cup is now empty.

Why does my party in Mass Effect and Dragon Age Origins always try talking to me and stuff?  I don’t even read quest objects in WoW.  I always hear other people tell me about their party members getting romantically involved and shit.  Yeah yeah whatever, just get out of the goddamn fire boys, I don’t need to hear about your childhood. Srs.  Alistair your a punk ass bitch.  That’s why I sat you.  Get your DPS up and your raid face on and we can talk.

StarCraft II incoming.  Dalaran won’t see my Orc shadow for a looooonnnngggg time.  If I was smart I’d just suspend my account until I decide if I’m gonna play in Cataclysm.

This just in.  Wailing Caverns still sucks.  But thanks to a helpful guildie I didn’t get lost again.

Things that bring up my site in search engines.

  • Pissing in a granny
  • Wet dreams
  • lesbian porn
  • illegal mexican wife dreams

Blog, Blogger, and Blogging are all stupid words.  I will from hence forth use an equally stupid word in its place.  Titty.

I write on my Titty, I am a Tittier, and I am Tittying.  Stop by and read my Titty Roll.

Shut up and shoot

Posted in Gaming, WoW by mrfenris on May 13, 2010

I’ve been in raids where your halfway through the instance and some wussy ass person drops because they need sleep (your meat body is weak!), and you pick up either a pug or someone you don’t quite know from your guild.  Your sitting mid-run, having wiped the last five times on this boss who should be on farm, and the new addition pipes up with a “I’ve never done this boss.  What do I do?”

Everyone in the raid face palms, not because he’s never done it, but because they know their raid leader is going to go through his 20 minute power point strategy for the fourth time.  However by this point in the evening, your raid leader is so tired of people needing bathroom breaks, wanting to go gem upgrades mid-raid, slacktards dying in the fire, and his own general self loathing for taking the job in the first place, that he just breaks it down by the new persons class.

Tank: “Tank the boss here.”
Healer: “Heal whoever needs it.”
DPS: “Just DPS.”

And that’s that.

I’m actually wondering what my job is as DPS.  Is it really that I just stand there and DPS?  I’m used to staggering tanking cooldowns, positioning, threat levels, raid leading, dealing with guildies mid run, telling my nearby sleeping dogs about stupid raiders, watching everyone’s positioning and numbers, etc.

Now I stand there and shoot.  And shoot.  And shoot.  Still shooting over here.  Hey!  See me?  I’m still shooting.

Oh sure, I dodge streams of fire, jump over arcane death spells, and kite mobs around while plinking them, but it’s all so I can hurry up and get back to shooting.  I am expected to keep shooting.  I am expected to bring “x” amount of DPS (and “y” if I can) per encounter so we can kill the boss.  Outside of the rare special assignment…

Raid Leader: “Huntard run Aspect of Nature for resists!”
Huntard: “Awww come on it lowers my DPS!”
Raid Leader: “Do it.”
Huntard:  *grumbles and thinks* Fine but I’m rolling on that Spellpower staff if it drops.

Does just standing there and DPSing sum up my job?  Between boss fights I’m like that soldier who sleeps in the chopper on the way to the drop point.

Pilot: “Get ready boys were taking heavy fire!”
Huntard:  *wakes up* “It’s just trash, wake me up when we get to the boss.” *goes back to sleep*

Is that really the life of a DPS?  Is it that easy?  And if it is…

Why the fuck nine times out of ten are you the reason we wipe on encounters?

Huntard vs Robin Hood

Posted in Gaming, WoW by mrfenris on May 12, 2010

The archer, stands as erect as the deadly arrows in his quiver, bow held taught and ready.  A single bead of sweat drip slowly trickles down his forehead as he holds his breath and waits for the moment in which his arrow will fly.  The supreme moment comes and he let’s go of both the arrow and his breath, his arrow speeding from his bow.  It streaks through the air and into its target, its head diving through skin and muscles seeking its new home.  The archer draws again and inhales.

The archer can kiss my ass.

I am a Huntard, a wheeling, dealing, jet flying, limo riding (Thank you Ric Flair), son of gun.  I move around the battle, I jump in mid-air and spin around to shoot, I throw traps, explosive arrows, I train mother fucking wolves to eat people, I fly through the air backwards shooting people in the face the whole time.  I am John Woo’s wet dream.

If Robin Hood faced off against me it would look like this…

*Huntard looks down at the arrow sticking out of his chest*

Huntard:Resilience bitch.”

*Huntard fires off his Explosive Shot into the tree where Robin Hood was hiding*

BHOOOOOOM  BHOOOOOM

*Huntard walks over to Robin Hood’s corpse.  Loots*

You receive 65 silver, 39 copper.
You receive Maid Marianne’s panties.

ICC raid last night went really well.  We had new person raid leading and she did a really good job.  Everyone else did their part and it was a really fun night.

HOLY HELL Hunters are OP.  (and so is the ICC buff)

I sustained an average of 5.5k on bosses in my junk gear.  On Fester gut I hit 7.2k.  Those aren’t “real raiderz” numbers but man, I know it’s not skill.  Especially since I just switched specs recently restarted playing this character.

Broke ass ranged DPS.  If I was melee I’d have to work 2x as hard.

Marrowgar is kinda boring.  Stupid people always getting spiked so I have to pull off my target to shoot the bone spikes.  Then he decides he’s gonna go sit on your head and “BOOOOAAAAAANNNNNEEEESSSSTOOOORRRRMMM”.  Eff you buddy, imma Disengage and keep DPSing.  Oh wait.  Your gonna follow me and keep spinning on my head.  Fine.  Deterrence and Rocket Boots outta there.  Oh.  Still following me huh?  Fine.  *mutters*

Lady D is fun.  It’s weird.  I’m kinda like a Muti rogue when it comes to her adds.  If they get off a transformation, my explosive shot seemed to be all spell damage.  After my adds were dead I just plugged away at other peoples.

Gunship.  I never realized how much damage you can keep your ship from taking by shooting the enemy gunners.  Sheesh.

Saurfang.  I used my crab on this to pinch the Bloodbeasts in place.  Wasn’t needed.  But it’s always nice to see my healer’s crabs (Named after one of our healers).  The bloodbeast hardly ever got out of the scrum before they were dead.

Festergut is Festergut.  Oh I just stand here and shoot?  I lick that shit up.

Rotface is Rotface.  Although I never noticed how small the room actually is when I’ve tanked the slimes.  I was moving a ton this fight, just getting out of environmentals and his damn slime spray that seemed to follow me everywhere.

Professor Putrecide is one of my favorite fights in ICC.  This was the only encounter we stumbled on.  Took us three tries to get it.  The first time we left a slime up in the third phase.  Second time we didn’t stack well enough on the green slime’s target.  Man I never realized how useful my rocket boots are.  I used them all the time to sprint across the room and get to a green slime just before it exploded.

I kept using Snake Trap on the green oozes and according to our WoL report it seems that they absorb damage from the green ooze’s explosion when it hit’s it’s target.  *shrug*  I heard about it somewhere.  Looks like it works.  This fight is soo much fun.  Jump shots, keeping stings up, moving from side to side to get range on the oozes, disengaging and flying across the room.

I had an absolute blast.  Even when I accidently pet pulled a room of trash and activated a trap at the same time.

*Angry raid looks at Huntard as the monsters come screaming down the hallway*

Raid: “What did you do Ray?!” (ala Ghostbusters)
Huntard: “Opps?  I was moving a keybinding…”

So now here I sit.  I need 6 agility gems cut, enchants for my new shoulders, chest, staff, and chest piece.

Not a bad place to be.  I’m starting to like this Short Bus DPS stuff.