The Gray Place

PvPing on my shoes

Posted in WoW by mrfenris on May 6, 2010

I have successfully cooked bacon for the first time in my life.  Bitches better recognize.  I tried to spend time with my wife after she came home from work, but she fell asleep on the couch while we were watching Fringe.  (DVR FTW)  I left her ass like she was a “Butter Face” and snuck into the office.

So I log into WoW last night, figuring I’ll jump on my priest and get to Outlands where the exp flows like wine and the loot is as sweet as honey.  I queue up to heal an instance and I sit there for 3 minutes before I say screw it (this level bracket sucks and I have no patience when it comes to lowbies).  Instead I log over to my unguilded neglected 80 MM Hunter.

That’s when a get a tell from a buddy on her PvP Disc Priest asking if I wanna queue for some random BGs.  I sit there for a moment and ponder if I want to take a cheese grater to my face and scrub it back and forth.  Since that’s about the enjoyment I get out of PvP and I have all the graceful playing skills of a pregnant hippo.  Instead I say sure and I find myself with another friend from my main’s guild whose on his pally.

Orc Hunter (me): “So what do I do?”
Belf Pally: “Just kill shit.
Disc Priest:  I dunno I just run around bubbling people.  Wheee!

So we sit for a few minutes while my dumbass tries to find a vendor to turn my marks of honor into honor (not realizing I’m honor capped already).  I’m rocking my PvE sucktastic gear which is a mix of T9 some crafted and my HPoS X-bow.  I’m looking around on my bars for useful things and make sure I know where concussive shot is since I only have my PvE abilities  key bound.

BHRANNNGGGGGGGGGGGG (That’s my you have gotten an instance sound)

Warsong Gulch.  UGH.  I HATE WSG.  I spent too many years (that’s what it felt like) when the games would drag on forever.  So I hop on vent, our pally says he’s gonna do flag work, our healer says she’s gonna keep him, up and I don’t say anything at all cus I just realized I can’t find any water or bandages in my backpack.  I may be a Hunter but I was never in the Orc Scouts.  Yo Illidan, I am not prepared.

We take off running out of the gate.  I lose sight of the teammates.  So I head up to the upper level of the Night Elf place, whatever it’s called (Casa de Noche Elf de chi chis?).  I juke down the ramp when I get inside and try to draw off some flag room defenders.  I find the room empty except a mage running after one of our guys carrying away their flag.  I see I’ve already missed the action.

I decide that since that’s mage’s back is to me, I should probably just go ahead and shoot him.  And I do.  Over and over again.  And to my surprise he doesn’t do anything but try to run after our flag carrier.  No blink, no ice tomb, no fancy ninja PvP shit that I imagine all my opponents can do.  And that’s when it hits me like a ton of bricks.

OMG there are newbs on their side too!

So I’m just lighting this mage up from behind and he’s dead in a heartbeat and I get a perverse satisfaction when I run by his corpse.  I’m hightailing it down the tunnel to try to catch up with our flag carrier and I burst out into the field to find pure carnage around me.  I see red names, green names, as clusterfuck scrum of fighting erupts in the middle.  I mount my wolf and try to head up the right flank to avoid it and I make it through when all of a sudden I stop in mid run.  I can’t move.

Orc Hunter: “Am I lagging?  No.  Hmmm.  Did I DC?  No.  Hmmm.  Hey  there’s little swirls going around my head and I look like those mobs used to in TBC when Rogues used to Sap them.  Oh shiii…”

And out pops this rogue from stealth (no idea what race cus he had a Nogginfogger potion) and I imagine he’s all Freddy Kruger like, waving his knife glove around.

Freddy the Rogue: “Muahahahaha.  Your soul is mine!”

He then proceeded to take me apart stab by fucking stab and I was ghosted.

So the game goes back and forth awhile.  Some people actually trying to win, some people just fighting in the middle.  I imagine if Thrall was there he be all “Lok’Tar Horde Warriors!  This battle must be won by stealing the enemies morale!  Head to their command center and bring me their battle standard!” And half his army would shout up with a huge special education grin…

“We’s be fightin’ in the middle boss!”

So the game went on and back and forth.  I was doing my best to kill half dead shit from far away.  I was trying to stay out of the middle, but when only half your army is actually trying to win the game it’s a little tough.

Although every time I would try to head to enemies camp, even if I took the far sides, this fucking rogue would find and sap me.  He was like some murderous crossing guard, with this big ass Stop Sign except his said “Sap”.  He’d sap me, then sometimes leave me, other times he’d buttfuck me with a Saber Tooth tiger and kill me.  I have no idea where my teammates are and all I know is I sucked and we lose in the end.


Next up Strands of the Ancients or some such shit.  This one was kinda fun.  It was filled with complete newbs like myself.  I killed a TON of them too.  I loved all the hills on this one.  I could disengage down them and kite people around a bit.  Between my spider webbing them up, frost traps, engineered rocket boots, and my concussive shot I would just lead them around to die.

Little stuff would start coming back to me like using Deterrence, Feign Death, and Silencing Shot.  I was running around like a madman my crossbow held sideways gangsta style “RATATATARATARAT lay a Naga down!!!!”

I liked defending on this one.  They all come through a choke point, and hit my traps and then when I kite them I move them back downhill away from our base, yet they keep chasing me.

I realize I am not good at PvP, but it did dawn upon me I’m good at killing other scrubs like myself.  I don’t fight fair, I don’t look for 1 on 1’s.  I rocket boot away if I’m going to lose.  I find the guy that’s half dead or not paying any attention to me and I pump him full of arrows then move and find another newb.

I understand hard vs soft, I understand military concepts, I understand objective victory over personal victory.

And you know what?  It was kinda fun.  So now here I am forming a mental check list.  I need a PvP trinket for stuns.  (I thought I remember reading you don’t trinket the sap, but the kidney shot…don’t remember)  I am duel specced, I’m gonna shift one towards PvP.  I need to change and reassign my keybindings for PvP.  And I’m gonna gem and enchant my PvP gear I bought.

Then I’m going to find other suckass newbs like myself…

and kill them.


2 Responses

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  1. Doug said, on May 13, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Haha, I like it!

    • mrfenris said, on May 13, 2010 at 9:46 pm

      I’m in that honeymoon phase with PvP. I’m kind of like a virgin on my wedding night. Not that I was and my wife SURE are hell wasn’t! I wouldn’t have married a nice girl.

      But I’m still finding our where to stick what, and while it all feels pretty good, I know I’m not doing it right.

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