The Gray Place

Interview with the Lich King

Posted in General Me by mrfenris on May 18, 2010

Ladies and gentleman, direct from Ice Crown Citadel via satellite we bring you the one the only Lich King!

*crowd applauds*

mrfenris: “Mr. King thank you very much for joining us tonight.”

Lich King: “The pleasure and your soul are both mine!”

mrfenris: “Right right.  Mr. King you’ve been having a busy busy year being the sole focus of an entire expansion named after you.  Tell us a little about it.”

Lich King:  *clenches his fist and leans into the camera* “All of Azeroth has felt The Wrath of the Lich King.  Nations have trembled, bloodlines have fallen, people have stood in the fire, and my blade Frostmourne has drunk deep from the souls of my victims!”

mrfenris: “Boy they sure have.  You’ve had a very successful year I’d say.  Your home has top rate security, especially that Undead Frost Wyrm Sindragosa.  Man she can kill newbs in a second *looks at his guildies in the crowd* In fact I’d say there are more people in the game that shelled out $25 bucks for that shiny pony then that have seen you in ICC.  Does that bother you that more people are interested in shiny ponies then you?

Lich King: “I shall crush their ponies and mount their bleating bodies atop my spire.”

*Kel’thuzad, the Lich Kings’s business agent, leans into the camera’s view and speaks up in his Snoop Dog voice*

Kel’thuzad: “Foo shizzle kizzle dem pizzles.”  *leans back out of view*

mrfenris: “Right Right.  Some of your critics say you’ve been over-exposed in this expansion from the very start, what do you have to say them?

Lich King: “I have plagued and harried them every step along the way!  My minions have attacked them from Naxxramus, bested them at Trial of the Champions, and crushed them at Ice Crown Citadel!”

mrfenris: Wait wait wait.  That’s not completely honest.  Let’s look at Naxxramus.”

*Kel’thuzad pops back into view*

Kel’thuzad: “It was merely a setback my nizzle.”

*pops out*

mrfenris: “Um yeah your floating castle filled with Undead was actually a pretty big waste of time.  I mean, hell you even had a teleporter installed to get the players into it.  You added a few more hit points to the guys in there, but basically it was just recycled content.  I mean you didn’t really get much accomplished with your floating castle o’ doom did you?”

Lich King: “You lie!  The dance floor Heigan had installed claimed the lives of countless newbs!  Night after night the dance of death continued!  Let us not forget Instructor Razuvious and the pain in which he brings.  The sheer glitchiness of that encounter has ruined many a raid night!”

mrfenris: “True, but hell I think even you can’t argue that you would have been more effective just smashing Naxx into Dalaran.  Hell just drop it onto Stormwind and you’ve pretty much won right?  Ever see Armageddon?  Alright, lets talk about Ulduar a bit…”

Lich King: “I wasn’t in Ulduar!”

mrfenris:Right right and yet many players consider it one of the best raids in your expansion.”

Lich King:  *quietly* “Yogg Saron had his tentacles in everything.”

mrfenris: “What do you mean?  Like a creepy old uncle who sneeks into your room at night?”

*Kal’thuzad leans over and whispers into the Lich King’s ear*

Lich King: “My agent has advised me not to comment.”

mrfenris:  *ahem* “Moving along then, lets talk about Trial of the Champion.”

Lich King: “Foolish mortals!  They dare gather their finest champions together to see who deserved to battle me!  I showed them the error of their ways by unleashing my fury upon them.”

mrfenris:Not really.  I mean I don’t understand.  Both the Alliance and Horde gather their leaders and their greatest warriors in one single spot and when you show up you don’t even pick up a rock and throw it at Thrall.  One rock and you could have ended the war.  I mean seriously who gathers their leaders all under one roof and then waits for the bad guy to show up?”

Lich King: “Hurm.  I never thought about that.”

mrfenris: “I mean really, you could have just dropped Naxx on them, I hear you weren’t using it anymore.”

Lich King: *leans off camera to Kal’thuzad* “Make a note.  Drop Naxx on the bitch Jaina.”

mrfenris: “Alright that brings us to your former home Ice Crown Citadel.  A fantastic place filled with challenging encounters that have claimed the lives of your enemies.”

Lich King: “You cannot besmirch my home with your snark!  I have seen your body broken countless times!”

mrfenris: “True true.  But I’m more curious about the guilds that have killed you.  Then of course there was that data mined cut scene showing you dying, and that whole weird left field “There must always be a Lich King!” moment.”

Lich King: “I am the one true Lich King!”

mrfenris: “Right, to scrub guilds like mine you still are.  But isn’t it kinda of weird how we were told that if you weren’t around your Scourge was more dangerous than if you were around?  I mean I take that too mean your kinda inept and were better off keeping you in power, kinda like Saddam in the 90’s.  Does that mean were going to raid you again in ten years?”

Lich King: “Mayhaps fool!  However I shall be the bane of overgeared, level 85’s, with their shiny ponies for years to come!  For I am The Lich King!

mrfenris: “No doubt about that.  Ladies and gentleman that’s all the time we have today, as always we appreciate you joining us.  Please stay tuned for your local news.”

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