The Gray Place


Posted in General Me by mrfenris on June 17, 2010

Muthafucka’s back ya’ll.  Wanksta’s in the house.

Once I was walking to the library with my son.  Approaching us we saw a blind woman, cane a-tapping, with her rucksack (fantastic word BTW) over her shoulder.  Since I have a habit of filling in people’s back story I imagined her blind since birth, a rutting beast in bed, walking home from the library,  rucksack filled with audio or maybe books in braille.

I watched her cross the street completely fearless and I was taken by the way she walked with her head up and held it almost defiant.  She looked like she was a “blind woman”, but I know deep inside she was some sort of Valkyrie warrior woman, covered in bits of bloody chain mail, her head proud;  Her eyes keen and confident.  I could imagine two coal-black crows sitting on her shoulders just waiting to feast on her next victim in battle.

I was so impressed and partially inspired by the way she threw herself into the world, imagining just how hard that would be for me to do if our roles were reversed.  While the world maybe saw her as a blind lady, I knew she didn’t see herself that way.  She was a forecful kiss, rock and roll, and a fist in the face all at once.

Today for some reason I miss her.

Sometimes we all become what it says on our name tag, whats on our office door.  It’s easy to slip into that role and at times, it is indeed part of us.  But we need to let our light and dark parts spill out every now and then.  Our sudden full bellied laughs, the funk soundtrack that plays in our head, the righteous anger, the unabashed hedonist, and our sadistic knife wielding five-year old selves.  The people who we really are.  Without that, we’re just empty shells that blow around the world.

Tonight I’m gonna grill out, drink too much, and teach my children a few more improper words as we kick soccer balls at my dogs and watch them try to catch them.

I’m tired of being me this past week.  Time to be me again.


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