The Gray Place

Do I really have four characters?

Posted in Gaming, General Me, WoW by mrfenris on June 28, 2010

Mrfenris walks into the room, his freshly printed, still coffee stain free roster attached to his notebook.  He looks up at his characters with a frown noting that the damn rogue is late again.  Up too late PvPing no doubt. He thinks to himself.

“Alright heads up people.  You know the drill…”

The Forsaken rogue unstealths slowly leaning against the back wall.

“Nice of you to join us Mr. Rogue.  Alright couple of things before we get started.” Mrfenris looks at the 72 Disc priest.  “Mr. Disco your benched until you get your rested bonus back up.  I’m tired of you halfassing your way through LFG getting only “normal” experience.  Normal experience is for normal people with no lives.  I want you at your max potential so grab your gear and punch out, you’re going home today.”

Mrfenris turns his critical gaze towards the corner of the room where his Survival Hunter is leaning back in his chair, his PvP gear largely ungemmed and unenchanted.

“Mr. Huntard your off the raid list tomorrow…”

“What that’s bullshit!”, the Hunter Disengages out of his chair and  starts jumping in place.  “I’m still wearing leather five man boots for crissakes!”

“Stow it and stop hitting your space bar!  Downtown is missing a tank and I’m sending over Mr. Pink.  Pink you up for it?”

The Protection Paladin is sitting slouched forward over his desk, toothpick hanging from his mouth chatting with a lowbie female Draenei alt.  “…yeah baby with me you never have to worry about it, I’m prot so I always have protection.”

“MR PINK!  PAY ATTENTION!  I know you think you’re a badass cus you’ve got the highest Gearscore and /played here, but I’ll delete your ass in a minute to make room for a Goblin Warrior!  If you can pull yourself away from underaged lowbies for a minute, your ass is on deck for Icc10 tomorrow.  I know your rusty but I want that shit clean and smooth.  Fast pulls, no downtime, and no trying to kill Hunter pets or rogues by turning mobs that cleave.  That shit stopped being funny years ago.”

Mr. Pink smirks and slaps his plated shoulders, “Cake.”

Mrfenris ignores Mr. Huntard shoot a freezing arrow at Mr. Pink.  His eyes wander around the room looking for Mr. Rogue.  “Which brings us to you Senior Stealthy.  I want you to start looking up rogue PvP specs and start learning what the hell your supposed to be doing instead of running around battle grounds ganking noobs.  Do you actually have any idea how to PvP?”

“Not really.  I just know I can Cheap Shot, Sinister Strike up to Kidney Shot, then Sinister Strike up to Eviscerate then hit my “I win” button.” Mr. Rogue runs his finger across his zombie like neck in a throat slitting motion.

“That doesn’t even sound efficient and what’s your “I win” button?  Last I looked you didn’t even know what type of poison went on your main hand and what kind went on your off hand weapon.”

“Killing Spree.  It equals “I win” on a damaged target.”

Mr. Huntard smirks, “Only if the enemy is close to you and there’s no other nearby targets like a popped Snake Trap.  Your just a nub, I’m the big PvP dog around here.” Mr. Huntard whistles and his spider comes scurrying down from the ceiling and it eyes the rogue hungrily.

“You won’t even feel a thing…”
Mr. Rogue hisses as he vanishes.

“ENOUGH!  Huntard go get gemmed!  Rogue hit Elitist Jerks and Arena Junkies and do some PvP research!  Pink get your ass to the auction house and make sure you have flasks.  Disco get your sissy robe wearing ass to an inn and log off!”

Mrfenris stares as they all sulk off out the door and summon their mounts.  He mutters, “Goddamn I hate Mondays.”


One Response

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  1. Irmie said, on July 6, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    “…and no trying to kill Hunter pets or rogues by turning mobs that cleave. That shit stopped being funny years ago.”

    Ah, good times. If you aren’t the hunter with the pet that is being talked about in this particular situation. Still, funny after the fact! MKP ftw.

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