The Gray Place

Dissonance

Posted in General Me, Preizt, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on December 30, 2010

84.5 and I just stepped into Uldum.

Random thoughts?  Immature behavior?  PuG stories?  Top 10 lists?

You betcha.  This post has it all.

“That’s me on the street with a violin under my chin
Playing with a grin, singing gibberish.
”  –NOFX

Adam we both know your only going there to get that rare Sparkle Kangaroo mount.

Ran 2/3 instances last night as Shadow.  Am I just supposed to dot up skull, SW:P all the other mobs, then go back and MB/MF skull?  Is that what Spriest AOE is these days?  Well that’s what I did.

Mind Control is fun.  I’ve never has so much fun being the the body of a furry, four-legged, cat dude my whole life.  If it had boobs I’d never leave the house.

So basically all Cataclysm bosses can be explained in 3 brief sentences.  Stay out of stuff.  Move “here” when “this” happens.  DPS down the adds.  What?  That’s not some new fangled game design?  Crazy.

We had a DK nerd rage on us due to his death on a trash pull.  He tossed around l2Ps, fails, sux his dix, and at one point called our healer an abortion.  He then linked his DPS on trash and was booted or left, I honestly don’t remember.  We had zero wipes, made it through the whole dungeon fairly quick, and still he wasn’t happy.  Maybe he just wanted to go sit in a 45 minute queue.

Why do Disc priests say Holy is easy and Holy priests say Disc is easy?  And furthermore why does anyone really give a damn if it’s true one way or another?  Isn’t your job to keep your party up?  Just STFU and do your job.  Tank this, DPS that, and Heal them.  Besides we all know Resto druids are EZMode.  Kidding- the only reason I put a disclaimer on this is because both my healer partners were/are Trees and I would automagically take them into every single raid with me.

Because their OP.

2011 is bound to be yet another year people wall themselves in a protective bubble filled with “like-minded” people via the guise of community, facebook, twitter feeds, blogs, poli/social clubs, and brand identification.  They’ll live in an environment where these things are mirrors of their own “beliefs” and reflected back upon themselves, becoming completely retarded (in the original sense of the word) and stagnant to any external ideas or stimulus.

Sit in your bubbles.  The real world is still out there and it’s got sharp edges.  And some of us teach our kids to play with knives.

“turning true emotion
into digital expression
one by one we all fall down”  -Bad Religion

I hate end of the year top ten lists.  Here’s mine.

Top Ten Things Healers Need To Get Over in 2011-

  1. Keeping your party at 100% health.
  2. Not getting your propers.
  3. Yes those fucking Mages will roll on items with Spirit.
  4. Starting a trash pull without being at full mana.
  5. Just because your DPS has healing abilities, doesn’t mean they’ll use them.
  6. Healing through stupid.
  7. Not telling someone whose standing in stupid to get out of the stupid or don’t get healed.
  8. DPSing in your downtime (What?  You want the DPS to heal during their’s right?).
  9. Letting the tank run them ragged.
  10. Letting someone die.

“release me from moral assumption
total rejection total destruction
nihilistic feelings are moving
if you try real hard you’ll see right through them”  -Rancid

I’m off on vacation till January 10th so I probably won’t be posting much if at all.  I’m going to an excitable, loud, violent at times (never touch my daughter’s stuff.  Ever.), raucous place.  My house.

It’s filled with two stupid Chocolate labs named after Star Wars characters, two formerly stray cats, a lovely chubby red-head wife, a seven-year-old nerd son, a crazed Cheerleader/Amazon three-year-old daughter, and a four-month-old baby who has a big leg and doesn’t believe in sleeping at night.

It’s the only place I’ve wanted to be all year.

Advertisements

Die. Just die.

Posted in Gaming, General Me, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on December 22, 2010

And now for something negative.

I can’t stand you WoW players anymore.

You’ll level as fast as you can during an expansion which seems to be lacking depth.  “I wuz 85 on the 2nd day lulz”.

You’ll soon outgear the only challenges you have now and then you’ll bitch about it.  (And guaranteed half of you still won’t know how to “play” your class.)

Any new patched five mans will be “hard” at first then soon outgeared also.

You’ll rush to 85, raid, get stone walled on a “hard boss” and wail about how bored you are.

The end game has become the “game” now.  Everything else just gets in the way.

You can’t have fun unless you hear a bell, see an achievement, win an item with a .5% upgrade, and be told “grats”.

Like a migrant worker you log in daily to farm mats because “hey it’s still playing WoW” and you’ll lament about how bored you are playing a FUCKING VIDEO GAME.

Here’s a thought.  GO DO SOMETHING ELSE IF YOUR BORED.  You can’t possibly have seen all the porn the internet has to offer.

Gah.

I don’t even like myself today.

Gonna go drink my coffee.

Flynn

Posted in Gaming, Preizt, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on December 16, 2010

Overall…are “good” DPS players finally getting some respect?

Because by and large you get players (mostly always being tanks and healers) who lump all DPS together as a bunch of mindless bots who exist for the sole purpose of sucking, annoying said “real” players, and providing fodder for titties everywhere.  (If your new as some of you are to this titty, the word “blog” is not allowed here.  It’s a stupid word and therefore replaced with another stupid word.  Titty.)

I’ll tell you a dirty secret.  Under geared or insecure tanks and healers LOVE awesome over the top 84228k DPS players.  Forget aggro (which you did in Wrath anyway) if you had 3-18 big dog DPS in your fives or raids you didn’t sweat near as much.  Everyone liked to gnash their teeth at their DPS-mates in general, but if they could lay the smack down then they could completely trivialize an encounter or mechanic.  You could blow your cooldowns and prop up your under geared ass for the first big damage mechanic because you KNEW there wasn’t going to second one because by then the encounter would be over thanks to the deeps.

There are a lot of tanks and healers out there that got propped up by good DPS and they don’t even realize it.

“No soft sucker with a parrot on his shoulder
‘Cause I’m bad gettin’ bolder – cold getting colder
”  -Beastie Boys

Over at Specced fo’ Drama, Ana repeated aloud a comment made to her by a friend.  /cast Copy Paste rank 1 #show tooltip (target=targ=targoftarg=mouseoverbullshit)

“They made it so it’s much harder to play a tank/healer, and much easier to play as DPS.” -Person I do not know but I’m sure they like gravy

I’m ignoring the first part even though I agree a bit.  I mean don’t tanks and healers WANT to be special anyway?  Aren’t they gifts from heaven above, whose bottoms should be nuzzled by woodland creatures, while being fed Fig Newtons by pasty large breasted German MILFs, as the lower themselves to mix with common folk DPS?  I know I am.  “Away with you dirty Huntard!  Do not gaze upon my magnificence as I face roll my tanking rotation!  You are not fit to see my one button macro!”  (Albeit less true today they yesterwrath.)

Where was I?  Right.  German MILFs.  Gives the term “coming back to the Mutterland” a whole new meaning for me.

Now I am admittedly reading the quote without any context given.  So we don’t know if it’s about Wrath vs Catastyle, a general comment, or a quip made in response to another quip.  That’s fine, because I’m not PvPing the original poster in a “internets idea warz”.  I’m just using the said quote to riff on my own points.

Wrath vs Cata:  DPSing got “harder” only in regards to undergeared healers and tanks at this PARTICULAR stage in the expansion.  Do you really think raid gear won’t trivialize heroics?  Because unless Blizzard changes the ENTIRE game’s “time played = better upgrade” design, then we are going to be near Wrath levels at the end of the expansion.  Doubt me?  Tell me how scary the “new” ICC five mans were on heroic once everyone and their mother had welfare gear?  They weren’t.

We could say DPSing got easier in Cataclysm simply just due to game changes made by Blizzard in 4.infinity.  Now you have abilities that help you manage your resources better like moving combo points for Rogues, using some abilities on the run, and not clipping your dots, built into the core game-play.  Nothing made a sadder panda then a old Rogue who just worked his ass off to get his 3  debuffs up on a trash mob, stack 4-5 combo points,  and then see some huntard Kill Shot it before the Rogue can get his finishing move off.  And people wondered why Rogues cried salty, hatey tears over the Fan of Knives nerf?  (God it was sick though).

Furthermore it could be said that DPSing got easier in Cataclysm because Blizzard introduced “helping hands” likes the Power Aura style procs that you can get from abilities.  Before it was only Power Aura junkies that would get such special treatment.  Now whenever you the lab rat press the right buttons, in the right order, magical sparkles shoot from your fingers to light up which abilities you “should” press next.  You get rewarded by the big neon sign that says “HEY DUMBASS YOU’VE GOT A PROC & MOMMA LOVES YOU!!!”.

(Oooo.  On the flip side can someone make an addon that gives a player an electric shock every time they flub their optimal rotation? “Ring that bell and drool you deeps bisches!”)

Or maybe tanking and healing are not really HARDER but they just have consequences that have a more severe impact on the party.

Did you forget to pop shield wall during his enrage period.  Oh sorry.  Your party all wiped.

Did you mistime your Hymn of Hope?  Oh sorry your party died.

Did you fire off Arcane Shot instead of Kill Command?  Oh sorry you lost 300 DPS for this encounter.

Hmmm.

“I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee”  -Carly Simon

I no longer care about this post.

However I do not cast dispersion on my DPS brothers and sisters.  I do not cast (a lot) of dispersion fellows tanks and healers.  (I can’t help it.  Anything that’s put on a pedestal demands to be pulled down and smashed into a million pieces as a fundamental rule of the “thing which cannot be spoken of”.  And trust me, I’ve put myself waaaay high on that tank pedestal before.)

Instead I say “What the fuck?  Does it really matter?”

It’s a sodding video game.  (Can only Brits, Aussies, NewZews, and other folks get away with saying “sodding”?)

And the fact that we can sit here are talk about how hard a game is speaks volume to the leisure in our lives.  And now like the true hedonist I am, I’m off to eat an Apple Hostess Fruit Pie, play with the heated mirrors in my work truck, and hope to God I come across an orgy of halfway decent looking women with horrible standards and/or an insatiable lust for balding fat guys.

I’m in like Flynn.

Bruises

Posted in Gaming, General Me, Riffs by mrfenris on November 18, 2010

I had trashed all my old posts.

The mood struck me.

But I have this inane desire to babble about unimportant stuff (and I like to fuck off at work).

“Don’t call it a come-back, I’ve been here for years.”-  LL

You know what tastes delicious?  The warm salty tears that stream down a Shaman’s face when my Hunter hits Bloodlust.  I lap it up.  *lapalaplapalapa*

You know what’s boring?  Talking about Warcraft.

You know what’s exciting?  I’m getting an Xbox.  It’s time to teach the boy how to headshot.

The last two weeks have been spent preparing my 6 year old to give his advertising campaign assignment in front of his class.  Of course he chose to feature Starcraft 2 as his product.

Of course I’m proud.

Of course I’m a geek.

“Beauty I’d always missed with these eyes before.  Just what the truth is, I can’t say anymore.” – Moody Blues

HOOOMG Unholy Deathknight dps “is  like brocken“.  (Say it like a Valley Girl.  SAY IT! Anyone else remember Sweet Valley High?  I do.)

I’m actually enjoying my lvl 78 DK again.  I think I’ll play him for as long as my undiagnosed ADD lets me.  But srs, you hit 4-5 buttons, your pet does all the work, who says this game is hard?

My boys are still bruised from the procedure.  My “bombs” have been de-fused.

Did you know doctors come in girl flavors now?

You know who wins at Starcraft 2 when he 4 Warpgate rushes?  This guy.

You know who loses at Starcraft 2 when his 4 Warpgate rush doesn’t work?  This guy.

I just finally got through the Dragon Age: Origin’s Dwarven City storyline.  Who else got creeped out in the tunnels when the lady Dwarf started her “on this day…” mutterings?  Awesome.

I have this really strange urge to run a table top game again.

“Oh Doctor please help me, I’m damaged.” -The Rolling Stones

I missed out on the end of ICC.  I have never got to kill the Lich King.  A casual guild, coupled with a dying guild, coupled with a new kid born with deformities and congenital issues who stays in a ICU for four weeks will do that to a person.  (What the hell kid, can’t you see I was BUSY?!?!)

But I don’t even wanna kill Arthas all that much.  It’s in the past and wrapped up in a messy ball of yarn.  I think I’d much rather take a leisurely stroll down some new paths and see where they go.

Whether you’re the top part of the wave or the bottom part after it crashes, it’s all water.

It’s all water.

 

 

 

 

Riffing

Posted in Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on October 28, 2010

It’s amazing to me that people are in such a huge hurry for Cataclysm.  They want their new quests, new instances, new races, new levels, new raids, and they want it NOW.

They wanted the same thing when Wrath was about to ship.

Yet most of these same folks now sit around Dalaran and lament about how boring Wrath is.  How all the content is stale and how easy lolheroics are.  They whine and bite their pillows wondering aloud “what am I supposed to write about” on their blogs.  (Nothing you tools.  You are not “supposed” to do anything.  Wankstas.)  On a side note I wonder how many of these Heroic Heroes have actually done Uld hardmodes or even seen Yoggzilla, instead skipping right to the Trial of the Lootfest because Heroic Mimiron “wuz hard and the loot sux”.

SO what’s the big hurry?  Your just going to be bored and emo when you’ve killed Deathwing a million times.  Your going to complain about 5 mans being too easy (forget that your pimped out in raid gear).  Your just going to complain that there’s nothing left to do in game and you’ll look to SWTOR to deliver you from the crushing weight that is WoW, with the hope and gleam in your eyes of an Iowa farm girl who just got off the bus in Vegas.  Little do you know you’ll soon have your ID’s stolen by your future pimp and you’ll be turning tricks for sweaty business men to work off your “debt”.  You’ve only traded your old shitty life (WoW) for a new shitty life (SWTOR).  Grats.

I’m tired of zee bloogozphere.  I’m tired of the “bloggers” (most of them).  I’m tired of the ego.  The envy.  The popularity contests.  The demand for attention and recognition by Blizzard.  Most of them seek to entertain their “fans”, driving their hit count, pandering like whores in order to drive “conversations”.

“What am I supposed to talk about?”

Nothing, motherfucker.

Which in hindsight makes me sound like an ignorant prick.  But I’m not a prick.  Ignorant I might bite on.  But a prick I won’t.  (see what I did there?)

I’m actually one of the nicest people I know.

I don’t think I EVER want to tank a raid boss again.  It’s boring.  A long time ago Larissa linked to a post I wrote where I described raid tanking as being boring and staring at boss crotch all day.  Of course this was followed by some folks snarking about how “good” tanks spin their camera, blah blah, yadda-yadda, etc.  Why do people focus on throw away comments anyway?  I’d “tank” 95% of you fuckers into the GROUND.  I don’t just tank mobs…I AM THE MOBS.

Anyway getting back to topic at hand, boss tanking still strikes me as one of the most boring things ever.  I can think of maybe 2 fights in Wrath I enjoyed tanking.

Yogg was one.  Proffesor Putracide/Abom Driver was the other.

However I do miss tanking trash and the control and flow that a good tank brings to a run.  Any monkey can tank 95% of the bosses in Wrath.  They just need to do their single target threat “rotation”, pop some cooldowns, and eat nachos, while the rest of the party does the work.

It occurred to me last night mid-raid that I am officially a healer.  Like I heal people and stuff.  Their life bar goes down and like Viagra I make it go up again.  I even have two heal specs.  In my old guild I always felt like a tank who was just moonlighting as a DPS or a Healer until we needed me to tank again.

Someone once described my blog as “uhhh”.  It’s the best compliment I ever got, thank you beautiful.  I say that as a mostly happily married man.

Who hasn’t touched boob in like 3 months except for coping a feel on the sides.

Damn baby.  I’m trying to get my swerve on.

Shellshocked Healers

Posted in Gaming, Preizt, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on September 29, 2010

Healers are the goalies of World of Warcraft.

Once before my wife and my children HOOOOOOOOOBLITERATED my life, I played ice hockey.  (Right Defense to be precise.  You touch my goalie, I drill you into the ice.  Woot that rhymed.  I’m the Lyrical Gangsta.)

I played from when I was a kid all the way till I was a young, bright-eyed adult, full of promise, and hope.  Then I meet my wife and her ovaries and I became the burned-out, shell of a man that I am today.

Point being.  I’ve played awhile and due to my position I’ve played very closely to goalies.  I can say without a doubt that goalies are some of the weirdest, most neurotic, freaks I have ever met.  They have rituals, quirks, and these strange fevered eyes that roam around but never see anything but little black pucks being hurled at their nets.  They mutter, they stamp their feet, and they exist as beings of pure stored energy just waiting to explode into action or emotion.

I love them.  I have racked up penalty minutes for them.  I protect them.  (Oddly when I tank I feel the same way towards my healers.)  But sometimes I can’t stand them.  I can’t stand their inflexible quirks, their obsessive focus that makes them lose sight of the entire game and other players, and their pure nuttiness as they flit around like fragile ego’d butterflies in a thunderstorm.  You know they’re just waiting to rip off their face mask, their eyes bugged out and filled with madness, as they scream and throw themselves under the Zamboni.

That’s how I feel a lot of players who play healers are like.

“Don’t pull till I have full mana.”

“Don’t move till I’ve PoM you.”

“Don’t pull until I have 249804239 stacks of rejuv on you.”

“Don’t pull until I’m done drinking.”

“Death Knights, don’t death grip anything unless you’re the tank.”

“Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t.”

Seriously.  It’s Heroic Violet Hold!?!?!  I have 90249k Health.  I don’t even NEED a healer.  Our DPS are pulling 12k each!  I normally don’t hear that many dont’s unless I’m trying to put the moves on my wife.  (Don’t judge.  If I was a quitter I wouldn’t have three kids.)

And now they get to add things like…

“stupid Blizz, if I wanted to DPS, I’d have rolled a DPS!”

…because of the Smite component of priest healing in Cataclysm.

Really?  Really?  Is it that hard to hit an extra button.  I’m so bored out of my skull when I’m healing as Disc in Heroics, I usually just switch to Shadow and DPS than heal as needed.  (Dungeon and tank dependant of course.)

Healers I understand you’ve got a lot of pressure on you.  But seriously,  lighten up Francis.  If someone gives you shit because they stood in a whirlwind and died and they’re giving you grief over it, tell them to eat shit and die.  If your tank is overpulling and can’t survive on his own, then guess what?  9/10 he’s a BAD tank.

Take a deep breath.  Heal your party.  Stop rocking back and forth between the pipes and enjoy the game a bit.

Serious.  Your going to go all Fist of the North Star and blow a vein in your head.  I know Ulduar and TOTGC, stretched you out, with twitch/spam/spike healing.

It’s okay little guy.  *holds out a candy bar* Come on out of your hole.

Cataclysm is supposed to fix it.

What’s the point of stereotyping if it isn’t offensive and immature?

Monday Musings

Posted in General Me, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on September 27, 2010

You ever randomly hook back up with an ex-girlfriend and suddenly she’s way hotter than she used to be?

That’s the way my new video card is making me feel about Grand Theft Auto IV.  The shadows, the diffused lights, the smoothness of the shitty un-re-mappable keyboard controls.  It’s beautiful and exciting once again.

And like that ex-girlfriend it’s worth hitting one more time.  Although Niko Bellic doesn’t giggle when I do that “one thing” with my tongue.

The last Discipline Priest pass by the devs made we want to stay Disc.  I still like what they’re doing with Holy, but if the new health pool size and incoming damage mechanics are really going into effect, then Disc looks awesome to me.

WTB Smite splash heals.

Final numbers are final.  And of course they aren’t final yet, but I feel like the fog is lifting.

My oldest son now plays Starcraft 2 more than I do.  I am not surprised.  The blood of many micromanaging control freaks runs deep in his veins.  He’s been devouring games like chess, Go, and Chinese Checkers lately.  I should buy him Civilization V for his upcoming birthday and then steal it.  Pwned nub, now go to your room and think about it.

I always take pride in my children but I’m never smug about them.  The oldest while extremely bright is just as bat shit crazy as his mother.  The middle while extremely random and genuine is just a big of a diva as her mother.  The newborn while fun to snuggle and play with, just plain has issues and has cost me over $300,000 in bills.  Just like his mother.

I figure one will grow up and shoot up a school, one will be featured on girls gone wild, and one will be a recluse and build pipe bombs in my basement.  It’s a toss-up on which does which.

Which is why I don’t get smug like the Smiths and their little Timmy.  Real life has a way of colliding with your smug face at 80 mph with a Mack truck.

Better to be honest and laugh (or weep and drink) it off.

I joined a new guild.  I am once again the new kid.  Second ICC 10 team Disc Priest reporting for duty sir.  I signed up for tonight’s raid.  Lets see if I make the cut.  If not, no big deal.  There’s lots of free porn on the internet.

Fringe is back on TV.  WOOT.  Olivia Dunham is one of my favorite female main characters of all time.  The actress (Anna Torv) does an excellent job of portraying intelligence, strength, and a hidden vulnerability all at the same time.  When I watch it I don’t even think of the character as a gender.  I just see Olivia Dunham FBI Agent.

Of course I have some issues with the plot lately, but right now it’s the only thing my wife and I watch together.  Of course her Supernatural series (v2.0, das reboot) is back and I’ll watch it with her while I do paperwork, but it’s nothing I set time aside to watch.  Although we do watch the soap opera Days of our Lives together.  Nothing set in stone, but I like to urge the characters along with a “pimp her!” or “pimp him!” now and then.

I tried doing Malygos with a pug because it was the weekly.  I left an hour into it.  I stayed an hour too long.  But it made me realize I didn’t miss playing my Hunter after my month plus off.  I thought for sure I’d miss the faceroll but I didn’t.  I haven’t even been PvPing with him, instead I’ve been using my Rogue.

Why am I not looking forward to larger hit point pools in PvP on my rogue?  Oh wait, because stun locks/bursts are the only way I can kill anything now.  Rogues look “more” fun to level in Cataclysm then they were back in the day.  But there’s nothing that excites me about the Rogue Cataclysm changes.  (Is fixing Vanish a “change”?)

What I wanted Rogues to get?  I dunno.  That’s not my job.

Meh.

Me So Hordey

Posted in Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on September 17, 2010

I have a fan boy confession to make.

I don’t like Alliance players.

I think your all soft.

In the real life, I don’t dislike people who are “opposite” of me.  I enjoy people who vote differently then I do.  People who believe in things I don’t.  I like people who aren’t like me.  One of my closest friends used to be a guy who was a long-haired 80’s metal throwback, extremely soft-spoken, vegetarian, and one of the most polite people I’ve ever met.  One of the reasons we got on so well is we were complete opposites.  (Well that and because he was taller than myself or my wife and when he’d come over she’d make him be useful and get down things from the top shelf for us short people.  It’s was a bitch waiting to refill the napkin holder until he came back over.  Motherfucker had dirty hands yo.)

Anyway.

I find strength in the conflict of personalities, ideas, and beliefs.  It’s in this scrum that I think we find out who we really are and who someone else really is. Yet oddly enough there are certain “oppositional” subcultures I can’t stand.  (I’m looking at you Chicago sports fans.)

Blizzard has done a fantastic job in giving some of us a team-like identity with the Horde and Alliance.  I see people wearing faction clothing, owning faction specific license plates, faction tattoos, faction birthday cakes, etc.  During Wrath’s launch we saw people dress up in costumes, shout “For the Horde!” at their Alliance counterparts, and even swig red or blue Mountain Dew is accordance with their allegiance.  Craziness.  You don’t even see that level of commitment at NFL games.

Even though pro-sports fans may paint their faces, have Nascar numbers on their cars, and sing their teams songs on the way to the pub, they don’t have their own specific flavor of soda.  (FYI “Horde” Mountain Dew raises your DPS…it also makes you pee blood and your kidneys disintegrate.)

So I’m sitting here asking my self why I illogically and narrow-mindly believe that all Alliance players are soft panty waists.  (Who the fuck came up with the term Panty Waist anyway?  I think that’s my next guild name.)  I mean I KNOW this isn’t true.  (Yes it is.)

I think it’s because I identify with certain aspects of the Horde that I just can’t find in the Alliance.  To me the Alliance are a bunch of blue, bland, white guys, sitting around waiting for an old biddy’s cat to get stuck in a tree so they can rescue it then tug on their yonks about how good and virtuous they are.

Give me the flawed, fatalistic, chip on their shoulder, long-suffering Horde any day.  They’ve been Demonic slaves, murderers, prisoners, and rebels.  For fun they chop down forests, burn villages, and leave their socks in the bathroom.  These are guys I wanna hang out with.

I find nothing three-dimensional and “human” about the Alliance.  I just can’t get into them.  Boring ass NPC white people.  (Nothing wrong with white folks mind you.  I’m a half-breed, fairly “white” myself, and I married a white girl so I could get better interest rates from the bank.  No.  Seriously I just married her for her credit score and her smart genes.  I’m hoping my kids go back to the near-dark side now they I’ve done my genetic/economic pillaging.)

Anyway.

Yeah.  I just can’t get into the Alliance.

mrfenris: “Hey cool shirt.”
stranger: “Thank’s it’s a video game.  I’m a gamer.”
mrfenris: “Oh cool me too!  What do you play?”
stranger: *sheepishly* “I play World of Warcraft…”
mrfenris: “Oh shit!  Me too!  What server!??”
stranger: *excited* “I play on Trollnipple, I’ve got an Alliance druid, paladin and priest!”
mrfenris: “Oh.”
stranger: “What’s wrong?”
mrfenris: “Nothing.  Can I get a number 1 supersized with a diet Pepsi?”

Alliance are just so…so…so “dry humpy”.  Whereas to me the Horde is like a crazed mix of snorted cocaine, Barry White, Fight Club, and Gianna Micheals.

At least that’s what I think of.

No sleep till Brooklyn

Posted in General Me, Riffs, WoW by mrfenris on September 16, 2010

Ophelia over at the Bossy Pally has written the best post yet on her titty.  Awesome. I can’t be bothered to link to it.

Three hours sleep last night.  Yay.  I am at the point of sleep deprivation where you start seeing things out of the corner of your eye that aren’t really there.

I see you, you movey-shadow-shape-thingy.  It’s trying to sneak up on me I think.

I have no played WoW in over a month and can’t decide if I miss it or not.  Furthermore I can’t decide what I miss about it the most.

Here goes.

I miss PvP.  Along those lines I can’t understand why I hate to heal in PvP.  Oh wait.  Healing idiot guild mates is bad enough.  Healing idiot strangers is worse.

I do not miss raiding.  I miss the possibilities raiding brings.  My guild’s quality of raiding has suffered due to player burnout, real life, and general end of the expansion casual sex.

Guildie One: “Do you wanna do Lower Spire tonight or just go to bed?”
Guildie Two: “I guess we can, but I’m warning you.  I’m just gonna lay there in the fire and let you do all the work.”

I miss the potential of what raiding used to be for two reasons.  1.  We don’t have “it” right now.  2.  I couldn’t raid right now anyway.  Between work, the new baby, the earlier mistakes er I mean the older kids, and general husband type stuff I barely have time at night to take a shower and eat before I fall asleep watching the Bad Girls Club.

I figure it’ll be several months before I even try to jump back into raiding.

I don’t miss random heroics for badges, I’ve never liked questing, I don’t do dailys, I don’t grind up a million alts, I don’t do trade skills (when I need money I just flip stuff on the AH), I don’t do vanity pets or mounts, I don’t sit around and BS in trade chat.  (I just noticed all the things I don’t do are everything other MMO players call “fun”.)

I miss my priest.  I really liked healing on my priest.  I’ve been keeping up with the Soonaclysm healing and priest changes pretty well.  I plan on going back to Holy come Soonaclysm.  Wrath Disc was more interesting to me then the Wrath Holy was, but Cata Holy is more interesting than Cata Disc is shaping up to be.

I miss the people in my guild.  I miss the social aspect of it.  However I do not miss the playing aspect of it.  I’ve realized that lately I’ve been pugging a lot of runs and raids on my own and PvPing on my own just because I enjoy different playing experiences then my guild provides.

I don’t like my server, but I’m not bitter about it.  I knew what kind of server it was when I rolled on it.  I think my interests have shifted.

I am looking forward in Cataclysm to trying out some of the new zones and can’t wait to start my Goblin Prot warrior.  I just don’t know what server to roll him on.  Do I do the realm research, sit in their trade, talk to its players or do I just fat finger the random button and see where I land?  Either way, about the only character I’d think about transferring off server is my Priest.  1.  I’m cheap.  2.  My Pally, Hunter, DK, and Rogue don’t strike me as irreplaceable.  My priest does.  Hey you try healing your way through four Death Knights in every LFG in Outlands…it builds character and ulcers.

I actually don’t even have a working desktop right now.  No Dragon Age: Origins, no Grand Theft Auto IV, no Mass Effect, no Starcraft II, no porn on the 24 inch screen.  I think it’s the video card.  I just threw it at my repair guy and was all like “u fix it” and left.  I can’t be bothered to talk to mere mortals when I’m in “Gogogogogo” mode.

I miss my son.  I haven’t seen him in a few hours.  Even though I know he’s sitting at home with a sexy chubby red-head, getting boob, and sleeping all day safe and sound (well till he tries to stop breathing and like…die on us *shakes fist* Curse you baby!)  I still miss him.

I love babies.  I find them astonishingly perfect.  Everything they need to know to live they are born with.  They understand  everything and nothing all at once (perfection).  It’s as we get older we forget and get sidetracked from what really matters.

Although at the moment I’d trade Satori for something to eat and a two-hour nap.  Oh wait.  That is Satori.

Nevermind.

DEE-PEE-ESS

Posted in Preizt, Riffs by mrfenris on August 4, 2010

The absolute best thing about healing on my Priest vs healing on my Paladin is that I can jump while healing.

I cannot just stand still while I play WoW.  I tried.  I CAN’T.

I am the spacebar clown referenced in the video.

Which is odd because I’m not a hyper person.  In fact I can be completely sedentary at times, my various layers of fat, chest hair, and cupcakes settling into a striated cross-section much like what could be found in a geologists dig site.  “Professor!  Come quick we’ve unearthed an entire section of Hostess Fruit Pies!”

But I can’t just stand there while playing WoW.  I jump, I spin, I flutter, I am the leaf acrobat upon the wind.

I get bored.  I don’t know how people can just sit there and stare at their character as they key board turn in place.  A side note.  There is nothing more painful than watching a character keyboard turn around so they can run to the outer edge and get cleansed in Ruby Sanctum.

Nothing.

Well at least until I see them do it on the Lich King.

Back to jumping.  Maybe it’s because I’m in “go mode” when I play.  When I played hockey back in the day my coach always used to yell at me to sit down on the bench, cus I’d be standing up watching the game, cheering on my team mates until my shift came up.  I can’t help it.

I love being able to jump and heal.  No more winding up that big huge fat ass Holy Light.

*Shift right-click on the tank*
*Starts to cast Holy Light*
*Player gets up to get another beer*
*Holy Light still casting*
*Player sits down and takes a swig of beer*
*Holy Light cast finishes and heals for 247824k.  98% Overheal.*

I do remember getting up once while I was tanking and peeing.  I came back and I still had aggro.

I once read a book called “Et tu Babe?”.  Twas amusing in the way that only a book about an author who steals and snorts Abrahams Lincoln’s morning breath to get high, has cybernetically enhanced geriatric bodyguards, and has sperm so powerful it can kill a woman, is amusing.

One particular part of the book saw the main character (who was an author) do an experiment where he would write a chapter of a novel while he had to go pee.  He found that because of his biological urgency he would rush his characters through situations and events.  For example if one of his characters was going to a four-year program in college he would instead unconsciously change it to a three-month program due to his full bladder.

If that was true I wonder if it could cause DPS players to DPS more to get the encounter over faster so they could find relief.

Maybe we ought to try it.  Mandatory bladder holds, until the progression boss is down.

Huntard: “Uh can I use the restroom before our next attempt?”
Raid Leader: “NO!  No ones pees until we get her down!!!!”

Puts a whole new spin on the term DPS.