The Gray Place


Posted in Uncategorized by mrfenris on February 14, 2011

One year later and it’s my 100th and last post.  That worked out perfectly.

I can’t post at work anymore.  Well I could but I’d be in violation of the newly revised and enforced City policy and I tend to need my job.  In addition to that I also feel a certain responsibility not to spend government time on my personal interests.  Yes the fact that I was one of the handful of people who got a direct promotion helped in that.

Lead by example and all that.

I could post from home of course but that would require setting aside my precious time and some effort on my part.  Any extra time I get to myself I tend to use washing dishes, making tomorrows lunches, and if I’m lucky playing some video games.  (and if I’m really lucky, I get to give my wife the best two minutes of her day.)

So lets actually use this last post to accomplish something.  (Originally I was going to write Lesbian porn dialogue for my 100th post.)  Skip ahead as interest allows.

“Sometimes I think it’s a shame
When I get feelin’ better when I’m feelin’ no pain”  – Gordon Lightfoot

World of Warcraft-
Is a great game.  I am not a jaded WoW vet (are you Vanilla pricks giving us TBC babies vet status yet?).  I think many people’s issues with WoW is how they approach the game.  I do not have time for all the theory-crafting, strategy, class study, and number crunching I used to.  This is a “me” problem.  Instead I’ve got enough time to log in, maybe run a Heroic dungeon or two, plink away on my Goblin Protection Warrior alt, and BS with some friends over Mumble.  Maybe next month I can start raiding again and see some of the new end game content months after other people have finished it.

I am okay with that.  I don’t pretend to be a pro player on a pro server.  I want to be a good player, who has fun playing the game.  I don’t mind paying my dues and putting the time in to down an encounter with 9/24 other people.  I will never be the kind of player that “demands” Blizzard nerfs the content to make it more accessible to me, however I will use any welfare gear and “Elemental Radiance” buff they give me.

I plan on continuing on with my healing Priest and my Warrior tank all through Cataclysm and maybe into whatever comes next.

“It’s not so much the things you say, love
It’s what you don’t say I’m afraid of…..” -Neil Diamond

It is naturally a weird thing because it’s done by people and when you get down to it people are weird little creatures.  I am happy that I started tittying and I’m equally happy that I am stopping it.  All things do end.  The titty evolved from a strange little journal towards a more focused and strategy centered site.  It had some great potential.

The main thing I always wanted to be is honest.  My good parts, my bad parts, my smart parts, and my stupid-ass parts.  I just wanted to be honest.  I think by and large I did that (unless I’m lying right now).

In my opinion there’s a lot of bullshit floating around in (ugh I hate this word…) Blogosphere.  It’s filled with ego, insecurity, and disingenuous.  There are some titties that when I read them I just shake my head because it’s so obvious the author is just playing to their readers trying to provoke a response or being willfully ignorant for the sake of attention.  I never wanted to do that.  I was once told to “never write down to your readers”.  I know it’s a fairly common quote, but I always tried to just talk to people like I would in real life.

One of my favorite things I started doing with this titty is adding the song lyrics.  It’s based off my secret desire to be a Disc Jockey.  I would love to have my own evening show where I can BS for 2-4 minutes and spin some tunes.  Its odd sometimes the songs I’d pick wouldn’t seem to fit what I was talking about at all, but if you read into their lyrics you could apply them perfectly to what I was talking about.

And that’s my underlying philosophy about the EVERYTHING.  Even the “broken” bits are perfect when held in context to their opposites.  It is that which cannot be explained only felt.

“Oh, yeah, you wreck me, baby
You break me in two
But you move me, honey
Yes, you do” – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

The Real Life-
This info dump is just for my friends and the people who would be friends if our paths crossed in the real world.  Most of you know I disappear from sight every few years and won’t be seen for a year or two.  That’s my thing.  I exist in “bursts”.  I still think it’s habitually from all the time we spent moving as a kid.

So since I feel a hibernation coming on, here’s a State of the Real Life address for you select few.

The kids are great.  They teach me all sorts of wonderful and horrible things about myself.  Son #1 is learning such life lessons as flanking, assaulting fixed objectives, and the difference between controlled burst and covering fire.  Hey I’m not kidding, these things have a direct application when applied to real world social or work situations.  He is a very kind, but quiet boy, who at times is disturbingly able to turn off his emotions like his old man.  When he turns them back on it threatens to overwhelm him and I feel sad for him because I understand completely.

Baby girl is a spoiled, aggressive, sweetheart.  And it’s mostly my fault.  I relish in the fact that she throws better punches than her older brother, is 10x more stubborn, and will make some man’s life a living hell.  She also has a soft endearing side where she’ll do random things like pick up a photo of her grandfather that fell on the floor and kiss it before she puts it back.  I never wanted to treat her differently then my son, but I find myself doing it.  I never think she’s unable to do something because of her gender, but I am far softer on her then I am on him.  Where Son #1 can focus and adapt to overcome something she is a more-like a bull and she lowers her head and hits it head on leaving only two outcomes.  It’s a common sight at my house to see her dressed in her princess costumes, pig tails bouncing, as she holds a Halloween knife chasing her brother “Ma’well” through the house intent on killing him.  I don’t make any of this stuff up.

Son #2 is an enigma of sorts.  He slides around on us. I’m not one for drawing attention to problems but Jessie and I have done everything from staring over his NICU crib at each other, both knowing he may not live through the night, to laughing at him because we put one of Baby Girl’s blonde wigs on him.

I’ve always hesitated mentioning his health issues, because we don’t exactly know whats going on.  We think we have it narrowed down to 2-3 rare syndromes.  The leading being one the Mayo clinic has only recorded 200ish cases of.  I’m not getting into them not only because I don’t feel like you youtubing or googling them, it’s because we refuse to allow his condition to define him.

There are MILLIONS of kids worse off than him.  We lost his twin earlier on in the pregnancy and being down at Riley Children’s Hospital showed us how lucky we are compared to some.

Currently he had been improving although he still doesn’t have a firm diagnosis or concrete path towards treatment, and this last couple of weeks has started to developing breathing issues again.

We are a long ways away from the struggling, oxygen dependent, bruised, tube fed baby we came home with.  He smiles, giggles, “talks”, and has started rolling over on his own.  His current hobbies are talking to shower curtains, eating his hands (or yours if he can), aND being licked by Chocolate Labs.

We will always acknowledge his issues but we will never let him define himself by them.  Jessie and I are very proactive and aggressive when it comes to our kids (even to a flaw).  We’ve got lots of calender dates lines up months from now and we just take one day at a time.

Fucking handle it.

Jessie is still my best friend even when she and I could willfully stab each other to death with knives.  I don’t think you can ever truly understand something until you’ve started destroying it.  She’s still a med-surg nurse at the hospital.  She’s getting old.  She scrapbooks now, plays DS, cooks, cleans, says “mom” things, and basically does everything I threatened to leave her over.  She’s still my partner in crime and the closest I’ve ever come to believing in love.  I don’t try to understand what we have or why I feel the way I do towards her.  Such things are not meant to be understood only felt.

Or choked.

I’ve been working on some table top settings.  Maybe if anyone’s around in a year or two we’ll throw some dice again.  I gotta do something with all these stories in my head.

That’ll work for a year or two, yeah.

6 Responses

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  1. miakoda said, on February 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Kulczar caught me on Facebook the other day. He wants to get the gang together for pizza or beer. Now that we’re finally seeing pavement again, I’m more inclined to agree.

    Re: Kid #3 … poor lil’ guy. He’s got an awful lot of crazy to live up to. Better get crackin’ on that!

  2. Solunne said, on February 14, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Cool story, bro.

    Just kidding. See you around the server.

  3. Ama said, on February 15, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Your cut through the shit wittiness will be missed.

  4. pallyphillycamlaw said, on February 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    as I said before, your blog has been a nice break to the crappiness of RL, etc. – I’m glad to hear that the family is getting along and doing well – i will miss reading your sarcasm and i might have to find you on mumble/vent/etc. just to hear your grumpy voice 😀 best of luck to you and your family – hope to see you around!

  5. Adam said, on February 16, 2011 at 2:26 am

    If you and I met in real life we would quickly come to the realisation that we had met a rare person that we could hang out with, shoot the shit, tell each other occasionally to fuck off and not have a problem with it.

    So I am sad to hear that this is your last post. let me know if you start posting again, and keep being stand up.

  6. Irmie said, on February 28, 2011 at 5:46 am

    I hope you’ll stay in touch with the old folks that aren’t back into WoW again yet. We miss you. I understand needing to drop off the face of the planet for a while, but an email here and there won’t kill you. Keep us posted. Glad to hear you are working through boy #2’s challenges. I think of him nearly every day when I’m looking at my own guy and hope everyone down south at your house is doing well that day.

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